It just occured to me that every single time I go to a performance, be it music, theater, dance or whatever in Oberlin, I get very contemplative.
Just watching people on stage performing makes me think about the days that I would do 'stuff' like that. I also just came to the realization that since primary school, I have performed in some way or another at every institution I've attended, except Oberlin. (Well...I guess I DID sing with College Singers last year...)
When did I change, I wonder? I used to feel strongly about a lot of things.. yeah -_- People who know me nowadays wouldn't really use the word 'passionate' to describe me for sure. In fact, it was Leekie who first coined the word 'semangatless' to describe me.. was it then when that started?
I thought I'd found the old me again last semester, when I came back to Oberlin in the fall. I was busy, but felt such strong satisfaction in everything I did. Then.. somewhere in midst of all that, it just started getting downhill, work didn't seem so fun anymore, and everything just lost its flavor. Even Christmas ... was tiring.
There's 5 more weeks left in this semester. I look back at these two months and wonder, where did it all go? It just seems like one whole stretch of grey mush in my mind. Looking at my calendar ahead of me, there's nothing really exciting. I quit tumbling, and won't be in the circus this year after all. It just wasn't fun anymore... for some reason or another. [read: anhedonia]
3 comments:
siao! tell u, i'm going to withdraw from TWO performances this sem too....hohoho, so we are on par. hooray!
Hmm...never expect u to write up ur emotions on blogs...coz u've been so secretive since i first know u...hehe...
Perhaps u just need a little 'x-factor'...try to get involved in things u like & enjoy...
Being 'semangatless' isn't necessarily a bad thing...maybe u are just too tired on life and need some rest...But anyway, i never think u r 'semangatless'...I think Leekie used the word because u always looked sleepy in class...haha..
Hope everything will turn out well...Have a great day...
Cheers, Jo~!!
erm i only know the lazy part of you, coz we are the "same", rmmb that? nua-ing used to be one of your favourite activity... so dun get so stressed up, hoho..
and yeah, "semangatless" wasnt the only word leekie created, she created my name as well =.="
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